


You're MARRIED?!

by MetalMistress



Category: Naruto
Genre: A little teasing, Action, Akatsuki - Freeform, But is devoted to Hidan, Camera, Comedy, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Happy Ending, It's actually really wholesome, Lights, Lisa Hall - Is this real, Music, Reader is a flirt, Reader is a sexy little minx, Seduction, my favorite curseword is 'fuck' afterall, nothing too bad, or at least I think so, or at least i tried to be funny, theres a lot of cussing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-23 17:01:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18553993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MetalMistress/pseuds/MetalMistress
Summary: What if some members of the Akatsuki were brought back to life?What if Hidan had a wife?...What if Hidan introduced them to her?





	You're MARRIED?!

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work on here! Please be gentle, I'm serious. I really really tried lol. I used Lisa Hall's song "Is this real" for the lyrics part.. Just in case you guys wanted to know.

It was like everyone just woke up, one day.

 

Well, _sorta_ everyone.

 

 _Some_ of the Akatsuki tumbled out of their rooms back in the Akatsuki base in a bleary-eyed haze. As if fate had a sense of humor, they all burst out of their rooms at the same time and looked at eachother with surprised gazes. Immediately everyone began talking at once, asking similar questions -- what the fuck happened? Why were they here? Weren’t they all dead before? Who brought them back? Where was the rest of the crew? What in the _hell_ was going on here?

 

It was Deidara’s irritated shout that brought everyone’s angry questions to a halt;

 

“For the love of- SHUT UP, UN.”

 

_Silence._

 

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. “Hn. Look, we’re all just as confused as each other, Right? Why don’t we gather in the den and talk about this there, yeah?”  
  
Everyone just silently moved -- whether it was out of shock or just out of confusion, that would remain a mystery.

 

 

* * *

 

 

So, there was ‘everyone’.

 

Deidara, Kisame, Kakuzu, and Hidan. Dressed in their cloaks like nothing ever happened.

 

They all just sat there staring at each other with that same expression on their faces. The furrowed brows, the narrowed eyes. The same frown on their lips.

 

Hidan was the first the break the awkward silence;

 

“So what the fuck happened?”

 

“I hardly remember, un.” Deidara replied while, again, pinching the bridge of his nose.

 

“Me either.” Kisame said rather simply.

 

“Hmph.” was all Kakuzu had to say on the matter.

 

Hidan just rolled his eyes at the team’s lack-of-answers, and the awkward silence returned. No one could make eye contact with each other, it was too much to hold their gazes for long. It was too intense, and everyone’s minds were full of questions, heavily laced with confusion.

 

It was just too much.

 

“So where is everyone else, un?”

  
“Dead, most likely.” Kakuzu muttered.

 

“So we’re all that’s left?” Deidara continued.

 

“It appears like it.” Kisame said with a toothy grin.

 

“So what do we do now? Because if you guys don’t have anything planned then I’m fucking out of here, I got places to be, people to kill, and shit to do.” Hidan said with a low growl as he stood up.

 

This caused the rest of the team to chuckle. As if. Hidan? Really?

 

“Places to be? Really, Hidan?” Kakuzu replied.

 

“And just where that might be?” Kisame asked half-rhetorically, half-seriously curious.

 

“By Jashin, I can’t fuckin- HOME, where the fuck else?!”

 

Deidara snorted, loudly. “Where would _you_ call home?”  
  
“Wherever the fuck my wife is.”

 

 **[** **_Record scratch_ ** **]**

 

“You have a wife, un?!” Deidara asked, incredulously

 

“Yeah. She’s fucking hot too.”

 

Everyone stared at Hidan with surprised expressions.

 

“How in the h- when?!”

 

“I’ve always had one! Why is that so damn hard for you fuckers to believe?!”

 

“Because we don’t take you for the marrying type, Hidan.” Kakuzu said with a smirk.

 

“Or the kind for commitment..” Kisame added in.

 

“And you don’t wear a wedding ring, un!”

 

“Well, I am! So fucking what?! And not every form of marriage requires a ring!”

 

“I want to meet her.” Kisame said.

  
  
“Me too, un!”

 

“I agree.”

 

Hidan threw up his hands and sighed while muttering angrily. “Fine, but I’ll warn you ahead of time, you’re fucking in for it.”

 

“Oh yeah?  what are you gonna do?” Deidara grinned.

 

“It's not me you should worry about!” Hidan laughed maniacally.

 

* * *

  
  


It was nearly dusk by the time they arrived to a seedy looking town. Everyone but Hidan exchanged unimpressed glances as they trekked onward, following Hidan into what looked to be like some sort of bar with a stage, likely for a band or something.

  


Hidan wordlessly sat down at a table large enough for the four of them. It was close to the front of the stage, close enough in fact that whoever was up there would surely see them.

 

“Hidan, where’s your-” Deidara tried to ask

 

“Shh! You’ll fucking see, just watch!” Hidan hissed as the lights dimmed and everyone grew quiet as they turned their focus to the stage. A bright spotlight clicked on and focused on the dark curtains that decorated the otherwise blank set, and a slow, slinky tune came on. The curtains, heavy and slow, parted revealing a hooded figure wrapped up in a black silky looking robe. Whoever it was, they took their time strolling up to the front of the stage. They seemed to take their time searching the crowd, before pausing in front of Hidan, Deidara, Kisame, and Kakuzu.

  
Hidan just grinned up at the figure. “There she is, boys.”

 

The boys looked somewhat surprised, but still pretty unimpressed.

 

“She’s covered in head-to-toe, we can’t even see her.” spoke Kisame, leaning into the table to the others could hear him.

 

“Hidan, what are you playing at?” Kakuzu asked with narrowed eyes.

 

Hidan only chuckled and leaned back in his chair, folding his arms behind his head as if this were an everyday occurrence. “Just relax. Everything's gonna be fiiiiine.”

 

They were still hesitant, glancing back and forth at each other as if to say ‘can you believe this guy?’ and were ready to call his bluff.

But the most seductive voice they’ve ever heard before came from the stage.

 

**_♫♪_ **

**_Twisted this feeling,_ **

**_Walked out of shape._ **

**_So tired of revealing_ **

**_The moves that I make._ **

 

**_And I know, yes I know_ **

**_But is this real?_ **

**_And I know, yes I know_ **

**_But is this real?_ **

**_♫♪_ **

 

Slowly a pair of feminine hands came from within the cloak. Her rounded nails were manicured, painted a fiery red color. They clasped together in front of the woman’s body as she continued to sing.

 

The boys threw up their brows as Hidan just smirked smugly, never taking his eyes away from the seductive siren up on stage. Her hands began to toy with a silk ribbon that held the robe close. She didn’t open it, not yet at least. Her moves were slow. Calm, cool, and collected. Her persona just screamed ‘sexual confidence’ and she hadn’t even shown any skin at this point.

One of her hands reached up and grabbed the hood and pulled it down. Everyone in the bar’s breath had hitched. The figure, now very clearly indeed a woman, was downright striking. A soft smile played on her ruby painted lips. Her skin looked so soft, so clean and clear. Her hair shined so brightly, even in the dim lighting. Her hands once again were focused on the ribbon that was tied around her body, only this time they were seemingly undoing the knot… though, it was hard to tell since she didn’t rush. No, this woman was a tease it seemed and took great pride in that.

 

Deidara sputtered over his words “G-god…”

  
“Damn.” Kisame finished for him.

 

Kakuzu didn’t speak, even as Hidan leaned over and whispered “told you so.”

 

**_♫♪_ **

**_Feeling inconstant_ **

**_Could drive me insane._ **

**_Flesh to blood to bone to love_ **

**_Twisted…_ **

 

**_And I know, yes I know_ **

**_But is this real?_ **

**_And I know, yes I know_ **

**_But is this real?_ **

**_♫♪_ **

 

After toying with the ribbon some more, the ribbon finally fell. The woman grasped the edges of the robe, turning her back to the crowd, slowly dropping it. Once it had just fallen from her arms, she looked over shoulder with what one could only recognize as a smoldering gaze. Her eyes fell to Hidan who in turn grinned widely at the attention.

 

Never taking her eyes off of his, she allowed the robe to fully drop.

 

_Fuck._

 

Curves, curves, and more curves. That's all it seemed like there was! But ohh, those lovely curves were adorned with an all white, form-fitting floor length dress with a _dangerously_ high thigh-slit. Wolf whistles immediately sounded off as she turned her body, shamelessly showing off her never-ending smooth legs. The dress had a sweetheart cut breast-line that enhanced her cleavage. Her neck was covered with a red jeweled choker, and her earrings matched, encrusted with the same red jewels. Her strappy black heels clicked against the stage as she began to descend from it, a spotlight following her and guiding her path.

 

_She was headed right for the boys!_

 

She circled the table, her eyes almost predatory. Her gaze flickered between each of the Akatsuki members who eyed her carefully in return. She stopped first at Kisame, allowing herself to slip up behind him. Kisame inaudibly gulped as she draped her arms over his shoulders from behind. Her hands rubbed over his strong, muscular chest through his cloak as she breathily sang into his ear

 

**_♫♪_ **

**_Is this real?_ **

**_♫♪_ **

 

Kisame thought he was going to faint. No one ever got that close to him before, and those that had were never pretty women. They also never planted sweet kisses along his cheeks like she was doing now. Hidan was trying to stifle his mad little giggles.

 

Yep, he was definitely blushing.

 

She slowly stood up, and began moving on to her next victim; Deidara who was sat with his chair facing away from the table. _Perfect_. She sweetly serenaded the crowd as she moved in front of him, placing her hands on the arms of the chair to cage him in.

 

**_♫♪_ **

**_Twisted this feeling…_ **

**_Flesh.. Blood.. Bone.. Love.._ **

**_Twisted…_ **

**_♫♪_ **

 

She lowered her face until it was level with the twitching, uncharacteristically nervous, blonde man infront of her. Her eyes never moved from his as she gently grasped his hand with her own, and brought it to her mouth. Deidara knew the crowd wouldn’t be able to see the mouths on his hands unless they were up close like she was, so he wasn’t too phased.

 

..Until she planted her mouth right over the mouth on his palm and delicately dragged her tongue along the skin that lined the opening. Deidara flinched hard and his eyes bulged.

 

Holy _shit._

 

She giggled at his expression, moving her mouth away leaving only a red lip print as evidence behind. Hidan cackled wildly and madly at Deidara’s reaction, very much amused. Deidara said nothing, only shifted uncomfortable in his chair, thanking god that his cloak was loose and not so… _form fitting._

 

She passed by Kakuzu, whose arms were crossed as he stared up at her almost defiantly as if to say ‘you’re-not-gonna-break-me’. She huffed out a chuckle, and steadily reached her hand up to her breasts. Kakuzu’s eyes widened, the only thing that was visible from behind his mask.

 

...She simply reached into her cleavage and pulled out a fat coin-purse from between her breasts only to toss it into his lap. Kakuzu stumbled in his seat a bit, trying to catch it. He was successful in catching it without hurting himself.

 

..Well, his ego was a bit bruised, but that's beside the point.

 

She passed Kakuzu, finally arriving to Hidan who quickly leaned up in his chair upon her arrival, smiling up at her with gleaming eyes. Without hesitation she sat herself in his lap, allowing Hidan’s hands to freely wander over her legs, hips and ass as she placed a gentle kiss on his jawline.

 

The song was slowing down, causing her to stand up from Hidan’s lap so she could return to the stage. As she strided over with a grin on her lips, she finished off the song.

 

**_♫♪_ **

**_And I know, yes I know_ **

**_But is this real?_ **

**_And I know, yes I know_ **

**_But is this real?_ **

 

**_Flesh to blood to bone, my love.._ **

**_Twisted.. Twisted.._ **

**_Is this real?_ **

**_♫♪_ **

 

She looked over her shoulder at the crowd, and and gave a quick wink as the curtains shut behind her.

 

The whole bar stood up and clapped. There was wolf whistling, there were thrown roses, it was almost cliche. Hidan stood up, brushed off his cloak, and motioned for the rest of the guys to follow him. They all stood, dumbfounded and astonished.

 

Hidan led them behind the stage as the rest of the crowd had left. They slipped in silently and walked until they came upon a door with a name written in pretty script writing.

 

___. Ahh, so that was her name.

 

Hidan knocked on the door, that smug smirk having never left his face. The door opened, revealing the lady. She had a bright grin across her face. Hidan quickly swooped her up in his arms as he crossed the entry with Deidara, Kisame, and Kakuzu all in tow. They shared a passionate kiss before Hidan set her back on the floor.

 

“By Jashin that was one hell of a kiss, Hidan.”

 

“And _that_ was one hell of a show, ___.”

 

Hidan looked over at his team-mates.  
  
“Well, you all wanted to meet her! Here she is, so say hello, you fuckers. Baby, they didn’t believe me when I told them that I was married.”

 

“Oh it’s okay Hidan. I’m not offended in the least.” She smirked.

 

The guys just stared at her dumbly, before all stumbling and stammering out greetings. She only giggled in response as they all tried to speak at once.

 

“It’s alright boys, I know who you are. Hidan told me about you guys.”

 

“Nothing good, I’m sure.” Kakuzu added dryly.

 

___ cackled. “Pleasant to meet you all in person finally. Though, I do hope that you enjoyed the show?” She flashed a devastating smile.  


“Y-yeah, un. It was a good show.” Deidara stuttered.

 

Kisame looked sheepish “I agree.”

 

“Hm” Kakuzu nodded in agreement.

 

She smiled warmly at them, before turning her attention to Hidan.

 

“Hidan, we need to talk.” She said seriously.  


“By Jashin, what did I do?” Hidan huffed with an eye roll.  
  
“You died, that's what you did. Matter of fact, you _all_ died.”

 

There was a pause.

 

“Wait, un. How does she know that?”

 

“Because, I brought you guys back.” She says as if it were that simple.

 

“WHAT?!” All of them exclaimed at the same time.

 

___ sighed “I’m guessing you guys don’t know?” She quirked her brow at Deidara, Kisame and Kakuzu in particular.

 

“Know what?” Kisame asked

 

Hidan smiled sheepishly “Uh.. I guess I have some explaining to do. She’s the daughter of Jashin. She’s a demi-god.”

 

“Wait, your ‘ _Jashin’_ guy is a real person?”  


“Of course he fucking is!” Hidan flared angrily.  
  
“Darling…” ___ looked at Hidan with a pleading smile. He sighed and nodded at her. She turned her focus to the others and explained “I know you guys are aware he’s immortal. I know Kakuzu had to stitch his head back on.” She gave Hidan a side-eye.  
  
“Babe..” Hidan said, embarrassed about being scolded by his wife.

 

She ignored his comment, and continued to explain. “Dad doesn’t -- Scuse me, _Jashin_ doesn’t just hand out immortality to anyone. Hidan prayed and slaughtered a lot of heretics in my father's name. This pleased him, and in turn I was sent to Hidan, to notify him of his new immortality. That’s how we met.” She grinned at the memory.

 

Of course, she did leave out that after Hidan had met her, he had immediately fallen head over heels in love with her. Hidan loved her of course and would literally shout it to the world because he’s fucking insane like that, but she was also aware that the team liked to pick on Hidan for his religious devotion. She didn’t want to give them more blackmail material by sharing the gushy story about how Hidan fell for her and prayed to Jashin, begging for his permission to court his only daughter. Haha, she’d have to kill them if they were to make fun of him for that.

 

The team nodded, but their curiosity wasn’t completely sated.  
  
“Are you like Hidan in the sense that you’re immortal?” Kisame asked

 

“Of course. I’m a demi-god.” She laughed

 

“How were you able to bring us back, un?” Deidara questioned.

 

“Well, My father _is_ the god of death and destruction. Wouldn’t it make sense if I gained some of his powers?”

 

“Yes, but what is it? Is it a form of special ninjustu?”

 

“No, it’s just a power that I possess. I can’t just revive anyone either, that would upset the balance. I was able to revive you guys after Father notified me that Hidan’s soul entered the void..” She paused for a moment, trying to control her emotions on the matter. “I was… distraught to say the least. But I was able to use my powers to pull not only his soul but yours as well back into the living world.”

 

“Why?” Deidara asked, throwing another question at her. Insatiable little terrorist, isn’t he?

 

“Hm?”

 

“Why us, and why not everyone else?”

 

“Well, your souls weren’t at peace just yet. You felt that you weren’t ready to go. Normally your souls would have been absorbed into the void and become one with it, but your souls hesitated for your own reasons.”  
  
They were silent, taking everything in.

 

“Thank you.” Kakuzu said.

 

Hidan raised an eyebrow but said nothing all the same.  
  
Kakuzu noticed this. “What?”  
  
“I don’t think I’ve heard you ever thank someone unless they were handing you a sack of money, and even then that’s iffy.” Hidan teased.

 

Everybody laughed joyfully as Kakuzu grunted, annoyed. After finally calming down, Deidara realized something and looked at Kisame and Kakuzu.

 

“There’s one problem left, un.”

 

“What would that be?” Kisame replied gruffly

 

“We have nowhere to go. If we did die, I’m pretty sure everyone knows where the base is. We were lucky no one was there when we woke up I’d say, yeah.”

 

___ leaned over and whispered something in Hidan’s ear. Hidan looked surprised, and whispered back, a barely audible “are you sure?” ___ only nodded. Hidan sighed and raised a brow as he looked back at his team-mate who looks on in confusion.

 

“You can stay with us. ___ has a huge ass house that we share, so we have plenty of space. I couldn’t give less of a damn if you do, really.” Hidan laughed, and ___ smacked him upside the back of the head.  
  
“Ow! Damn it, woman!”

 

“Be nice.”

 

He relented, and sighed.

 

Kisame, Kakuzu and Deidara looked at eachother, eyeing one another carefully as they searched for something in each other’s faces.. Whatever it was they must have found it as they all turned back and agreed.

 

“Alright. Let me just change and grab some things and I’ll come with you, boys.”

 

They stepped out of the dressing room to wait outside as Hidan was about to follow them, but ___ grabbed his hand, effectively halting him. He turned and looked at his wife with a curious expression.  
  
She smirked. “I should punish you in the name of Jashin for nearly leaving me alone on this pitiful world when we get home, husband.”

 

Hidan’s eyes sparkled with a rush of excitement. “Oh, bring it on baby.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
